Reflecting on Twenty Years in Ministry

My first time preaching at Leonard, I insisted on going by myself. Later, I had several friends and family who came along. That summer of 2003, I preached and taught class a total of five times, and they could not have been kinder or more encouraging to me. The church is located among scenic rolling hills in rural Tennessee. At the time, while they had indoor facilities, I was tickled that they had an outhouse option available. This picture with my family is extra special to me now, as I’ve lost both of my grandmothers since then. I was doing lawn care that summer, and it’s definitely the most tanned I’ve been in all my adulthood.

Rose Bud Church of Christ

It is still hard for me to believe that we were only at Rose Bud for 3.5 years. It feels like so much longer. We enjoyed our time there immensely and learned a great deal. Located in rural Arkansas, about 25 miles outside of Searcy where we were living, it was a great adventure for us. I had never been around farming, cows, or small town life. I think the population at the time was under 900 people. It was mostly a speed trap for people on their way to Heber Springs. But I got so much good experience from my time as their preacher. They were always so kind and complimentary, though I now cringe when I think about or read over so much of what I presented to them at the time. I started preaching there before Carolina and I were married, and they threw us an unbelievable wedding shower. They are great people whom we still love as much as the days we were there.

I went on to work a little over seven years each at both the Old Hickory Church of Christ as a sort of utility player who did whatever was needed, mostly youth and education, and then as the preaching minister at the Kings Crossing Church of Christ in Corpus Christi, TX for another seven years. I’m presently preaching at the Tusculum Church of Christ, where I began in January of 2022. Not to mention, I haven’t said anything about our time at Harding University, the Harding School of Theology in Memphis, or the Hazelip School of Theology here in Nashville, nor am I saying anything about the churches in Costa Rica with whom we’ve coordinated multiple mission trips over the years. There is so much I could say about each of these and how they’ve shaped us, but a full personal history isn’t the intended purpose of this post.

I have said many times that it is going to take a place as vast as Heaven to hold all the people we love, close together at the same time. We’ve made friendships all over the world that have and will continue to impact our lives for good in permanent ways.

Things I’ve Learned Over Twenty Years

So looking back at my twenty years, here are a few bits of experiential advice I would give to my younger self.

1. If you want to be a better leader of your flock, study your flock.

This is true in a lot of areas. One of the early weaknesses of new ministers–and certainly one of my own–is a tendency to prepare classes and sermons with mostly your professors in mind. “What would Dr. ______ think if he heard me give this sermon without giving adequate attention to textual variants and the nuances of Greek participles?” There are academic conferences for that type of thing. If textual variants and Greek participles have important implications for how a Christian should live in response to a text, then absolutely do talk about them. But the primary filter for your public teaching should be the nourishing of your flock. “Feed my lambs,” Jesus said in John 21.

I encountered this principle specifically in my preaching. The more I tried to lean into the homiletical theories of what academics say good preaching is, the less people connected with my preaching. The more I started listening to the people I taught about what they needed, the more effective my preaching became. I hope when my ministry is in its final years I am still growing and learning in this area.

Similarly, I don’t believe one becomes a better local leader primarily by studying the massive mounds of leadership literature that exist. Not that I don’t care what these things say. I’ve read enormous amounts of it and have grown from it. Much of it I would readily recommend. But you should always let your own people tell you what their lives are like, what they need, what helps them, how some of your actions or teachings have benefitted them. If you know everything about Bowen Family Systems Theory but don’t know what the average member of your congregation is anxious about when they try to sleep, you need to learn more about the latter without totally neglecting the former.

To be a good shepherd, become an expert on your sheep, and not merely on the art and science of shepherding.

2. If you want someone to join your cause, first know what you’re about

I think this is true of both individuals and of congregations. It’s ok to be a kind of person or a kind of church. One of the mistakes that many leaders make, as well as many medium-sized congregations, is to try too hard to be a generalist that pleases every person or a church who has a program for every possible group or opportunity. You can easily spread yourself too thin. It isn’t just a risk of burnout. It can also mean that the things you’re capable of doing exceptionally well, you’re too divided to do with excellence.

Could you summarize yourself with a single sentence?

We try to do and dabble in far too many things. There is dignity in being able to say, “This one thing I do…” What are the gifts you possess with which you can serve with excellence and distinction? What is the kind of impact your congregation is capable of making that can set it apart and make it stand out in a good way?

• He was a generous and kind-hearted person who made an impact by his spirit of openness and hospitality.
• She was a tremendous thinker who challenged all of us to be our best by her relentless dedication.
• This is a church who knows their proximity to a key hospital and makes it a point to serve cancer patients and their families with special love and care.
• This church lets the school beside them know through their actions how deeply they care.

All of this is important both for leadership and evangelism. Nobody cares if you want your church to have more members. If 100 new people showed up today to join you, would you know what to do with them?

Be able to say, “Here is who we are, and here is what we are committed to doing well. If we had your help, here are ways we could make an even bigger difference.” That is a much more compelling invitation than, “Please join our club. We need more members.” Why?

As a person, I have sometimes exhausted myself because I wanted people to like me and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. At this stage, I have a much better awareness–importantly, based on what people have told me about myself–of who I am, what I can do well, and what my limitations are. Be the best version of yourself that you’re capable of being. Even if people don’t like it sometimes, be truthful about your limitations and the things that are a bad fit for you. I have found I can serve churches much more effectively by leaning into my gifts than I can by trying to simulate someone else’s gifts and ministry style.

It’s ok that you can’t do it all. It’s why we are a church and not a collection of Lone Rangers. Other people balance out your deficiencies. It’s how it’s supposed to work.

3. Make serving God a joy

In some ways, I think it’s amazing that churches exist. These are volunteer organizations. No one has to be here. Everyone who comes, who serves, who does anything chooses to do so. It is amazing enough that people would volunteer their time and energy so often and so regularly, but to take it a step farther, many support the church significantly through their giving as well. They do all of this because they love God, they love the local church community, they value the mission of the church, and they are trying to show with their actions that they care.

This is what makes church leadership different than most any other form of leadership. In many settings, you have a higher tolerance for poor actions because in the end of the day, it’s a paycheck that can still keep people showing up and doing what you want them to. In church leadership, you are leading an army of volunteers who could quit at any moment if they chose.

I think a leader’s fundamental posture should be one of gratitude. Absolutely everything people do to help you was their choice, not their obligation. Your response should be to make them feel appreciated. Matthew 10:42 states that even someone who gives a cup of cold water to someone because of Christ will be rewarded. If Jesus appreciates even the “small” stuff, so should we.

Because nearly every conversation I have with church members involves something related to what they’re doing at church to help or participate, I’ve found that I can speak a word of thanks in just about every conversation I ever have.

Avoiding Volunteer Burnout

Beyond thanks and recognition, one of the best ways to honor your volunteers is to avoid burning them out. For every ministry role, do you have a clear, shame-free exit strategy? For some, this looks like deacons and elders who serve for terms. For many projects, it’s worth attaching a definite goal and endpoint, and when it is reached, to throw a party, serve a meal and say, “Thanks for a job well done.” Insist on giving people breaks. Rather than appointing one person to a task, form a team of four and insist that they do it on rotation. Don’t let them get overextended.

My goal is that anyone who ever volunteers and works beside me will leave the experience feeling so good about it that they’ll actually be excited the next time I approach them to help me.

I think this principle goes beyond a leadership style and stems into nearly every activity you do for your walk with God. Any time there are multiple ways to do a good thing, pick the fun one. Sure, you can raise funds by brow-beating and guilt-tripping, but why not have a silly game night, a joke-telling contest, or a competition? If there is a menial task you and your co-workers hate doing, attach to it something you’d enjoy. “Every time we complete ____, then we get to ______.”

Joy is a Spiritual Matter

I think that joy is one of the most underrated fruits of the Spirit. In fact, Wisdom in Proverbs speaks of God creating the world and says, “I was a skilled craftsman beside him. I was his delight every day, always rejoicing before him. I was rejoicing in his inhabited world, delighting in the children of Adam. And now, sons, listen to me; those who keep my way are happy.” Hebrews 13:17 says that we should make serving the church a “joy” for our shepherds. It says similarly in 12:2 that Jesus endured the cross and its shame, “…for the joy that lay before him.”

If there’s one thing you ought to find among Christians where the Holy Spirit is alive and well, it is joyful people who have a great time doing good things together.

4. Keep an Open Door for Constructive Input

You can grow. You can change. It’s an existential truth. It’s a core belief of Christianity that change is possible. Otherwise, the cross would have been pointless if people aren’t redeemable or improvable. In fact, you should accept as a constant your need to keep growing and refining yourself as a Christian and as a leader.

Consider Your Company

Especially for people prone to conflict avoidance, it is difficult ever to approach someone and suggest that they have some personal deficiency they need to correct. I’ve found the best way to address my deficiencies is to surround myself with trusted people who know and love me and to invite their perspectives on the ways in which I need to grow. This can take many formats.

• Spiritual Direction. I talk monthly with a Spiritual Director with whom I’ve been connecting since 2014. Spiritual Direction has similarities to counseling, but is less about correcting a problem and more about providing ongoing companionship. Sometimes our conversations look more like affirmations. Sometimes they’ve involved some mild scolding. Often he’s been a sounding board for me so that I can discern the wisest possible course of action on an area that’s a challenge in my life or ministry.
• Regular Companionship. I have often selected an Elder from the churches I’ve served to agree to meet with me once per month, one year at a time. Similarly, I will often invite a peer to do the same thing with me for whom I believe I might provide some positive companionship and even some mentoring. I make it a point always to ask questions about, “How am I doing?” And, “Is there something you’ve been thinking I should know about myself that I might be oblivious to?” That sort of thing.
• Study Groups. I’ve been favorably impressed how many people at my congregation have regular Bible studies with smaller groups. Often this is an early morning study, once per week, or perhaps a group study on a Bible app. I think it’s important for these groups to involve not only textual study, but also some times of sharing.

Ultimately, you are going to think and act like the people with whom you spend the most time. Be intentional about this. Wise companions can make you wiser, but foolish companions can do the opposite. Take life and faith advice from people you actually aspire to be like.

5. Prioritize Your Family

Part of how you prioritize your care for your family is by the way in which you represent them publicly. I think ministers often make a mistake by using their family constantly for speaking illustrations. I have found myself cringing so many times when I hear a youth minister talk about his “smoking hot” wife, or someone tell embarrassing things that his children have done where everyone is invited to laugh at them. Your family doesn’t need to show up every Sunday with butterflies in their stomachs, wondering what embarrassing story about them you’re going to tell next. Even when you’re sharing a brilliant insight of theirs, it might not have been something they wanted to share in that way. They should be able to show up, listen, learn, and engage, fully aware if they are to be pointed out in some way, and without having to be subjected to public scrutiny that they didn’t agree to.

I have followed a simple principle in my ministry that has been very healthy for us: I never mention a family member when I speak without getting their full consent ahead of time. I will tell them what story I’m thinking of telling, why I’d like to tell it, and ask if it’s ok. So far, I’ve gotten a 100% approval on my requests, by the way. But we consider this a sacred agreement that I do not violate. I can’t always prevent people from viewing my minister’s family as something other than regular human beings, but this is one thing I can do to protect them.

Avoiding a Messiah Complex

But more than this, we have to remember that what applies to workaholics in any other field also applies to ministers. We need to avoid a Messiah complex that everything hinges on us and that the world only keeps spinning because we’re there to keep pushing it. As the father of a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old currently, I am in constant amazement of how quickly my time with them is passing. Likewise, my years of marriage have been wonderful and blessed, but what is past is past and it isn’t coming around again. We’ll never minister anywhere again in our 20s or 30s, and really, it’s fine. There are things I’ve loved and been challenged by in every season.

Thankfully, I’ve had many more church members and especially Elders who have been concerned that I spend more time with my family and be present with them than I have people who’ve wanted me to work longer hours or raise my hand for more projects. I want to work hard and make a difference and believe as a person who’s been given much, that it is my duty to serve in the ways I’m capable. But I have appreciated how many people have urged me not to neglect what is most important. Usually when I’ve felt pressure to go far above and beyond in sacrificing extra time for work, the only critical voice driving this was the one in my head.

Learn as soon as you can to set good boundaries and to form good habits with your family. And once you have them, stick with them. And when it’s time to change them, adapt and form new ones. Don’t neglect the opportunities in your family that you alone can fulfill.

Thank You

Though I’ve learned a lot more than these things in all my varied experiences, I think I’m going to stop here for this post. Most of my readers are people I’ve known and worked with in the churches where I’ve served. I just want to say thank you to all of you. I think perhaps the most frequent statement I write in my devotional journal is that “I feel grateful for my life.” I’m a deeply happy person. I love what I have, what I do, and the people with whom I get to do it.

Ministry isn’t always easy. Sometimes it is devastatingly hard. But we’ve had many more good days than hard days, and we’ve been loved so well in every place. It has been an honor to get to serve, and I hope God will allow my family life, health, and opportunities to contribute in similar ways for many years to come.

Thank you for celebrating with me this accomplishment! I had a lot of help to get here and it’s been a good life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. God is faithful!

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