Our thoughts become our actions. Ideas have consequences and outcomes. Scripture has much to say about the importance of how we think in the way it determines how we will live. Here are some passages to consider:
- Romans 8:5-6. For those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit have their minds set on the things of the Spirit. Now the mindset of the flesh is death, but the mindset of the Spirit is life and peace.
- Luke 21:34-35. “Be on your guard, so that your minds are not dulled from carousing, drunkenness, and worries of life, or that day will come on you unexpectedly like a trap. For it will come on all who live on the face of the whole earth.
- Romans 12:2. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
- I Peter 1:13-14. Therefore, with your minds ready for action, be sober–minded and set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.
- Titus 1:15-16. To the pure, everything is pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; in fact, both their mind and conscience are defiled. They claim to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, and unfit for any good work.
- Colossians 3:1-2. So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
Thinking Traps
There are at least five common thinking traps. These are also known as Cognitive Distortions. If you have a tendency to get caught in a rut in your thinking and emotions, it likely will fit one of these categories. In order to flourish, we need to take substantive approaches to dealing with our negative emotions. These will function as a person’s explanatory style for negative situations.
Here are five common Thinking Traps:
1. Mind-Reading
You assume that you know what other people are thinking and why they do what they do. A mind-reader has a tendency to block communication. This is because they assume they already know what’s going on in another person’s mind. This is a negative behavior in relationships especially because rather than asking your partner what he or she thinks and feels, you assume and act based on assumptions. “I can’t believe how much he disrespects me.” “I didn’t respond.” “I just had to get away.” “She should know what I’m thinking!” “Oh, I know EXACTLY what he’s thinking!”
2. The “ME” Trap
You believe that you are the sole cause of every setback and problem. You blame yourself frequently. People in the “Me” trap experience much guilt and sadness. Everything you see that is bad is your fault, so you believe. “Of course he’s mad at me. I’m not doing as much as I could be doing.” “Everyone else is more accomplished than I am.” “I’m not smart enough for this role. Someone else could do it better.”
3. The “THEM” Trap
You believe that other people are the sole cause of every setback and problem. People in the “Them” trap tend to experience a lot of anger at others. “He’s unqualified.” “Everything takes her three times as long as it should.” “It’s so unfair. They give you way too much to do!” “You just can’t count on people to do anything right.”
4. Catastrophizing
You waste much critical ruminating on every worst-case scenario. Something happens which triggers you, and you respond by thinking about all the worst possible outcomes. People who catastrophize sometimes experience chronic anxiety. “I’m going to be fired.” “It’s going to get so much worse.” “I’m never going to find a job.” “They’ll never forgive me, and I can never go back.”
Catastrophizing has four common triggers:
- Ambiguity. You don’t know how to make sense of something.
- Something you value is at stake. (They haven’t gotten back yet from practice…what’s happened to them?)
- You are going to encounter a situation you already fear. (Public speaking)
- Being run down or depleted. If you’re already tired, you’re vulnerable.
5. Helplessness
You believe a negative event will impact all aspects of your life and that you have no control. You experience feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, demotivation and depletion. You imagine yourself withdrawing and giving up. “I’m so drained.” “People never change.” “I can’t change the system, and too many people are depending on me, so I can’t do anything differently.” “ I’m just not motivated to try and make anything better.”
Mental Judo
Judo is an unarmed martial art in which a person specializes in redirecting an opponent’s momentum in order to use it against him or her. Frequently there are uses of holds and leverage to unbalance an opponent.
We need to do something similar in our thinking. Be aware of what your thought traps tend to be, what triggers them, and how you tend to respond. With intensity, be prepared to redirect your mental energy to challenge these negative thinking traps.
Strategy 1: Evidence
When you hear yourself starting to move into a trap, use data to prove to yourself why the thought isn’t true. Vivid data especially is useful for this. Crowd out the counterproductive idea with a better picture in your head. Perhaps you hang on to notes, texts, or pictures to keep handy to remind yourself of this vivid thing you need to remember.
It often helps to start with the words: “That’s not true, because ____________”
Strategy 2: Reframe
This is a strategic use of optimism. In the moment, use it to produce a better outcome in your head. No matter how bad things in this world are, remind yourself that things are not permanent, pervasive, personal, or uncontrollable. Rather, nearly all your problems are:
- Temporary. “This won’t last forever.”
- Local. “This is one situation. It isn’t everything.”
- Impersonal. “This isn’t just my fault.”
- Controllable. “There is something that I can do.”
It often helps to begin with the words: “A better way to see this is ___________”
Strategy 3: Plan
This is especially helpful for people who tend to catastrophize. When your brain starts moving in a counterproductive direction, stop and form a contingency plan.
It often helps to begin with the words, “If _______ happens, I will _______.”
Let’s Cultivate the Positive
So far, we have been addressing the problems of negative thought patterns and how to correct them. Fortunately, we can actively pursue positive emotions. In Positive Psychology, there are ten positive emotions which have experienced considerable research. I am opting to go with definitions of these terms below in the ways Positive Psychology has defined them, though you can obviously find much Scriptural overlap with many of these ideas. I love Positive Psychology because it asks not only what can help people heal, but what helps us move into a place of genuine flourishing.
Ten Positive Emotions:
- Joy. Life is safe and familiar, and at the moment, the effort it requires is manageable.
- Gratitude. I have received more than I deserve.
- Serenity. I feel safe and familiar in my life. It is more low-key than joy, and is a kind of afterglow emotion.
- Interest. I’m drawn to something new and interesting. It is very healthy for a person to get into a state of “flow,” being absorbed in what they are doing in an enjoyable way.
- Hope. A desire for things to get better, and a belief that they can be.
- Pride. I feel this when I’ve caused something good to happen.
- Amusement. When I experience a surprise twist and feel tickled about it. There is generally a social element to this.
- Inspiration. When I witness an example of the best of human nature.
- Awe. Like inspiration, but bigger. I feel like I’m part of something much larger than myself.
- Love. Includes many of the above feelings in the context of a safe relationship.
Cultivating Positive Emotions
You cannot make lightning strike in a particular place. You can only create conditions conducive to lightning strikes and it becomes more likely to happen. Likewise, you cannot make yourself feel emotions, but you can cultivate yourself in a way that makes these positive emotions more likely for you to experience.
The opposite of the negative thought process of brooding over the negative is savoring the positive. Let the good things play on repeat in your mind. Explore the various details with your senses. Feel again the emotions you felt and let them wash over you. Make it your habit to practice gratitude and to savor the good.
Factors Affecting the Intensity of Enjoyment
If something is a positive for you in your thoughts and memories, there are ways to maximize the amount of enjoyment you get from such things.
- Duration. You don’t want to rush a fancy meal at a nice restaurant with a scenic view. Give yourself sufficient time to enjoy good things.
- Reduced Stress. Savoring happens best in low-stress environments. When a lot is pressing, it’s hard to sit back and savor. You are affected by heavy tasks and responsibilities, but can you likewise schedule some time to celebrate afterward?
- Complexity. Complexity can either intensify or reduce your enjoyment of an experience. Would you enjoy music more while you dance to it? Would it strike you more powerfully if you listened in quiet solitude?
- Degree of Attentional Focus. The more we can attend to an experience, the more we get out of it. Is it always necessary to have your phone out recording your best moments? A waiter in a beautiful setting could easily miss the experience because he or she is running around refilling glasses. It is the guests and patrons who experience the more positive emotions. Treat yourself as a guest with the good things in your life, pay attention to them.
- Balanced Self-Monitoring. There is no need to try to force the intensity of your enjoyment in a situation. Don’t constantly ask yourself, “How happy am I?” It actually can reduce your happiness! Simply be present and pay attention to what is making you happy rather than to your specific emotion.
- Social Connections. Savoring with someone you love and trust enhances your experiences of good things.
Challenge: Countering The Negative
Especially if you are getting caught in a negative thought trap, here is a way to challenge it directly.
Step 1. Worst Case. Get a sheet of paper and write out all the worst of your catastrophic thinking. All that could happen. “If dad gets sick, I’ll have to care for him, then I’ll have to ask for leave, then I’ll lose my job, then we’ll be homeless.”
Step 2. Best Case. Now write down the most positive possible version of the same events that you can imagine. If everything went as well as it possibly could. Generate positive possibilities. What’s a best case outcome? “Dad’s test comes back clear. He’ll feel so good we can take that vacation he’s always wanted.”
Step 3. Probable Case. Write what you think is most likely. About what are you fairly confident? “I have a big presentation today. I’ll probably feel anxious. I’ll probably be a bit distracted worrying about dad.”
Step 4. Action. Come up with a purposeful action for each of the three outcomes. “If _____ happens, I will _______.” Make a plan. Have a counter thought for when an intrusive thought comes in. “Dad is important. So is this. You’re prepared. You can do this.”
Challenge: Nurturing the Positive
Try one of these ways to help you cultivate positive emotions.
1. Remember a time when you experienced a positive emotion. Where were you? Who was with you? What happened? What did people say or do? How did it impact you? Sit with these thoughts.
2. Act like you would when you are feeling a positive emotion. “When I feel overjoyed, this is how I move my body and what I would do.”
3. Put yourself in a situation where you are more likely to feel an emotion. If you want to be cheerful, but are sitting in an uncomfortable place in the dark by yourself, it’s unlikely to happen.
4. Be more mindful of what you’re feeling. When you notice you’re feeling something good, you can choose to slow down and magnify the experience.
5. Put something on your calendar that you can feel excited about. What is something you could look forward to? Put reminders around yourself that it is approaching and think about how happy you’ll be then.
Be the First to Know About New Content:
Other Posts You Might Enjoy:
